Report
The High Performance Centre was the venue for the UUJ Sports Relief 'Sports Challenge' which pitted Rugby, Hockey, GAA and Volley/Basketball in a series of 'sporting' events to see who would be crowned the overall Champion.
On a day when the element of fairplay went out the window there was a selection of fun events. These included four legged races, variations of volleyball, basketball and rugby and a gruelling space hopper race which equalled the Le Mans 24hr motor race for it's length and endurance required!!
With the physical elements over the last task was for one member from each group to make a sandwich in Deano's Diner to be adjudicated on by no less than Nigel Worthington, the current Northern Ireland Soccer Manager.
With rugby lying in second place going into this deciding round it was never in doubt that Jonny Morgan (renowned UUJ delhi & sandwich shop connoisseur) would claim first place with his self titled 'Man Mountain' and lead UUJ Rugby to the title. This against the backdrop of a well known Services Development Manager (who shall remain nameless so we won't mention Trish) trying to influence the judges vote!!
The 'Man Mountain' will now go on sale in Deano's over the Sport's Relief Week so all can 'enjoy' what one man with an apron, sharp knife, rubber gloves, some baps and one minute can muster.
In all it was an excellent event which all participants and spectators alike enjoyed immensely. UUJ Rugby would like to thank Adrian Harrison and all at Sport and Recreation for organising the fun.
On the serious side of things each team that entered donated £100 to Sports Relief. Money that will be used in numerous worthwhile activities to improve people lives for the better.
Friday 14th - Sunday 16th March
Ladies and Gents. After an appeal from the TVBJN (see below), the organising committee i.e. Adrian, has asked me to pass on the following appeals procedure for your consideration!!
It has come to my attention that the need for an appeal process regarding the victory of the Rugby team in the sport relief games. To that effect please read the following...
Senator George Mitchell has been contacted with regards to organising an appeal process.
The understanding is that the "St Patrick’s Day accord" will be the beginning of a peaceful resolution to the sport relief issue.
However, Paul Rouse (the individual famous for the 'Gum'gate airplane issue) speaking from GAA headquarters, has stated that the timing of the accord was deliberately done to prevent their attendance as all connected with the GAA will be taking part in parades up and down the country, and that the GAA itself will be focused on the club championship and will, therefore, not be sending it's chief negotiator.
When contacted about the controversial victory, and the subsequent appeal, Chris Galway has also stated that the Rugby club would be unable to send a representative to the accord meeting on St Patrick’s Day as all associated with the club would still be celebration Ireland’s forthcoming victory over England (March 15th).
When further questioned about a report that the Sandwich maker Jonny Morgan was seen receiving sandwich making instruction from Monica Lewinsky, he stated quite categorically, “Jonny did not having sandwich making relations with that woman”
The Hockey team (which came a massive 21 points behind the winning team) WILL be sending a delegation to the meeting, claiming that their team was the only team not to cheat.
A spokes person for the Hockey team Helen Mc Connell, is adamant that the spirit of the event has been tainted by the nature of the Rugby teams victory.“The money raised for sport relief is tainted money, and we in the hockey club believe that the organisers of Sport relief would be appalled to know the nature of the victory of the rugby team.”
Adding to this statement the Hockey club said, “We have photographic and documental evidence of widespread corruption, corruption that goes right to the very top…plus we have scientific proof that the tape used by all the rugby team was coated with performance enhancing sugar, and therefore, was used by the Rugby team to improve their performance…We have the proof and as God is our witness we will have justice.”
The Basketball, Volleyball, Javelin, Netball and Trish team or the TVBJN’s as they are now calling themselves will be planning a campaign of influence for Senator George Mitchell. It is reported that Senator Mitchell has already been in contact with Mr Nigel Worthington, to enquire about an alleged attempt to influence his decision in the controversial Sandwich-gate event.
When asked to comment, on the statement that they would be seeking to persuade Senator George Mitchell in his deliberations the TVBJN issued the following;
The TVBJ is not in the business of trying to affect the course of justice, unless it is to help the senator see that Fairplay must be up held, be it in the hallowed bastions of government or the sporting venues of Northern Ireland (The greatest and finest being the new World class HPC on the Jordanstown campus). Further more it is ridiculous to think that we could influence the man that brokered the Good Friday agreement, Senator Mitchell, is an intelligent man of great taste, who despite his honed physical body and stunning good looks, would not be distracted for his duty. We in the TVBJN only hope that with his keen intellect and brilliant blue eyes…eyes that one could picture were deep pools of crystal clear water…and rugged chiselled features, that Senator Mitchell will help Justice prevail. PS we hope that the senator enjoyed the Hamper and selection of wines?”'
